HOW TO REBUILD YOUR LIFE WHEN THINGS DO NOT GO TO PLAN

Author Kelly Donougher

When life refuses to follow the script, you’re forced to start again. After years of heartbreak trying to become a mother, Kelly Donougher learned how to rebuild — and discovered that sometimes, the best version of your life is the one you never planned. Here is her story.

We’re taught from an early age that life should follow a certain script: fall in love, get married, buy a house, have children, and live happily ever after. It’s the white-picket-fence dream that many of us absorb from family, society, or the glossy narratives we see on TV.

But what happens when life doesn’t stick to the script? When your carefully laid plans unravel?

For me, the plan was motherhood. I spent years trying, through multiple IVF cycles, miscarriages and endless medical procedures, only to be met with heartbreak.

The dream I’d written in permanent marker was suddenly erased. And like so many who face life’s detours, I was left with one pressing question: what now?

The truth is, when life doesn’t go to plan, it’s devastating. But it can also be the start of something new, something that feels even more authentic. Rebuilding doesn’t mean pretending the pain never happened. It means finding a way to write a different story, one that still matters, even if it looks nothing like the one you imagined.

Here’s what I learned about rebuilding a life from the ground up.

Let yourself grieve the plan that fell apart

We often rush past grief in favour of silver linings. But when a dream shatters, whether it’s a relationship, a career, or the family you thought you’d have — it deserves to be mourned.

In my case, that grief was messy. There were nights I cried until my chest ached, mornings I felt broken, and months where hope seemed impossible. But naming that grief was vital. It gave me permission to say: this hurts — and that was the first step to moving forward.

Experiment with new possibilities

When the old plan is gone, the blank page can feel terrifying. But it can also be liberating.

After closing the door on being a mother, I asked myself: if not this, then what? That question led me to study interior design, eventually launching my business, 13 Interiors. What started as a distraction became a thriving design studio with projects across Australia.

Your new path doesn’t have to be monumental straight away. It might be a short course, a hobby, or a job you’ve secretly dreamed about. Rebuilding starts with curiosity.

Redefine what success means

For years, I measured success by whether I became a mother. When that didn’t happen, I felt like I’d failed at the most fundamental expectation of womanhood.

But rebuilding meant rewriting the definition. Success became creating a business I loved, nurturing my marriage, and embracing the freedom to design a life without limits.

When the old markers of achievement no longer apply, ask yourself: What would success look like if it was just about me, not society, not my family, not anyone else?

Surround yourself with the right people

Not everyone will understand your new direction, and that’s okay. Rebuilding requires a support network of people who can hold space for both your grief and your growth.

For me, that included my husband, friends who listened without judgment, and mentors who reminded me that change wasn’t failure, it was opportunity. Protecting my energy and setting boundaries became essential to staying strong.

Build a life that feels limitless

The biggest gift of things not going to plan? You’re no longer confined by expectation.

My life today looks nothing like the one I pictured in my twenties. Instead of playdates and prams, I’ve built a national design studio, moved across the country, and created a career that lights me up every day and now sharing my story as a first time author in No Fence No Limits. It’s not the life I expected, but it’s a life I’m proud of.

And that’s the point: rebuilding isn’t about recreating the same house of cards that collapsed. It’s about constructing something sturdier, freer, and truer to who you are now.

A final word

If you’re standing in the rubble of a plan that didn’t work out, know this: your story isn’t over. The end of one dream makes space for another, one that might surprise you with its beauty and depth.

Rebuilding your life isn’t about “bouncing back” or erasing the past. It’s about weaving those broken pieces into a new design. One that proves even when life doesn’t go to plan, it can still be extraordinary.

Kelly Donougher is the author of No Fence, No Limits: