WHAT IS A 'GLASS CHILD'? THE QUIET SIBLINGS EXPERTS SAY WE NEED TO SEE
If you have scrolled past the phrase on social media lately and wondered what it means, you are not alone.
A glass child is a term used for a child who grows up alongside a brother or sister with high needs, such as a disability or a serious chronic illness.
The idea is that, while parents pour their energy into caring for one child, the sibling can end up feeling invisible.
The term is in the spotlight this week after an ABC Lifestyle explainer, made with the Life Matters program, looked at what it means and where support is falling short.
Where the term glass child came from
According to the ABC, American advocate and educator Alicia Meneses Maples is largely credited with popularising the phrase after a TEDx talk in 2010.
She grew up as the eldest child, with one brother who had autism and another sibling with a terminal illness.
She has said she heard the term before her talk but could not track down where it first came from.
Her explanation of the metaphor is simple: people look right through these children "as though we're made of glass".
What it can look like
The siblings who spoke to the ABC described a range of experiences.
Some felt overlooked or invisible at home.
Some played down their own needs, or did not recognise them at all.
Many took on serious responsibilities, becoming young carers without anyone using that word.
Dan Schmidt, whose brother Matty has cerebral palsy, told the ABC he became a perfectionist so he would not add to his parents' stress.
Others described feeling guilty, or quietly falling behind on things like homework.
Dr Marianne Webb, a senior research fellow at youth mental health organisation Orygen, told the ABC that young carers are at greater risk of poor mental health.
She also noted that some report real positives, including more empathy and personal growth.
Not everyone loves the label
Interestingly, not all experts are fans of the phrase.
Dr Ariella Meltzer, who researches sibling relationships and disability at UNSW's Centre for Social Impact, told the ABC the metaphor resonates with some siblings.
However, she questioned whether it helps beyond that, because it can end up placing all the blame on parents.
Samantha Hellams, chair of Siblings Australia, agrees the focus should be on giving parents knowledge, skills and resources rather than criticism.
Hellams has a sister with an intellectual disability and epilepsy, and is a Churchill Fellow who has been studying sibling support programmes overseas, visiting more than 40 organisations across Europe and Canada.
Her report is still in progress.
Simple ways to help every child feel seen
If you are parenting a child with extra needs, you are almost certainly already stretched, so think of these as small, doable ideas rather than another list of things to get right.
Carve out regular one-on-one time with your other children, even if it is just a walk, a milkshake or ten minutes at bedtime.
Give siblings room to ask questions, and offer honest information that suits their age.
Recognise the help they give, and say thank you out loud.
Where it makes sense, include them in conversations and family planning, including with health professionals.
Encourage them to find their own support, and to see themselves as carers if that is what they are doing.
Grandparents, aunts, teachers and family friends can help too, simply by checking in on the sibling and asking how they are going.
Where to find support
Siblings Australia offers information and resources for brothers and sisters of people with disability, and for the families around them.
Kids Helpline is available on 1800 551 800 for young people who want to talk.
Lifeline is available on 13 11 14, and Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36.
If you are worried about a child, a chat with your GP or school counsellor is a good place to start.
Every family looks different, but the message from the experts is a kind one: noticing the quiet sibling can make a big difference.
