SUPPORTING A FRIEND THROUGH THEIR FIRST PREGNANCY (WHEN YOU'VE NEVER DONE IT YOURSELF)

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There are many times in our lives when we just need to be a supportive friend.

When the first of your friends is going through pregnancy, it can be a wave of excitement for us, but we need to remember that we do not fully understand what they’re going through, so it’s worth bearing in mind some of the following things.

Offer Thoughtful and Practical Help

Browsing for baby things can be overwhelming, but practical gifts go a long way, so if you’re looking for baby shower gifts, focus on avoiding things that are just cute, but actually ask what they still need or check their registry if they have one, so your present actually makes life easier once the baby arrives.

Gifts that support sleep, feeding, and comfort often end up being used every day, rather than those cute outfits that will invariably get covered in mess in a matter of seconds.

You can also add something small just for your friends, for example, their favourite snack or a cosy robe, so the celebration includes them as a person, not just them as a mother-to-be.

Respect Their Body and Their Boundaries

Every pregnancy is different, and every person’s comfort level is also very dependent on the pregnancy itself. 

Showing that you understand what they’re going through does not necessarily mean that you truly do, so be mindful of the language you use and avoid making jokes or observations about weight, skin, or size, even if you think you’ve been complimentary, but rather focus on how they’re coping and what would help them feel supported this week. 

When they see you respect their boundaries, they’re more likely to come to you when they need a safe, non-judgemental point of view.

Support Their Choices Even If You Would Do It Differently

Pregnancy brings a long list of conflicting choices, from birth plans to pain relief, feeding, work, and so on.

You may hear conflicting opinions from other friends or family, but your friend does not need you to be a critic, but rather you need to ensure that they see you trust them to make the right call for them. 

If they ask what you think, you can be honest about the limits of your experience and help them explore options, and this will keep the focus on their decision-making rather than your gut

reaction or something you may have seen on social media once.

Show Up Consistently

You don’t need grand gestures to be a great support system, but instead, small, regular check-ins will matter more, and offering to drive them to the clinic or sending a quick message before an appointment can make a big difference. 

Also, try not to take it personally if they do not reply straight away or cancel plans at the last minute because of fatigue, nausea, or mood swings. It can be very easy, as the best friend, to think that we’re just as important as they are throughout this process, but remember, they are going through something huge that we still haven’t experienced ourselves. 

As their life shifts, whether they are juggling nap schedules, new priorities, or dreaming about future milestones, particularly if they are one of the

many couples getting married, you need to show that you are willing to grow alongside them as well, and this is what will keep your relationship strong in the years to come.