HOW UNDERSTANDING FEAR AND TRAUMA CAN TRANSFORM YOUR BIRTH

In this exclusive extract from Birthing with Trauma and Fear, Brisbane’s number one–voted doula Moran Liviani explores the real difference between fear and trauma, and how recognising both can transform the birthing experience. Through candid reflection and personal insight, she shows how fear, when faced and understood, can become a powerful guide rather than an enemy.

I want to clear something up straight away: fear and trauma aren’t the same thing. But I get why they get tangled. Fear is like the smoke alarm going off. Loud, urgent, impossible to ignore. Your body goes, “Something’s not right. Pay attention.”

Trauma? Trauma is the smoke that lingers long after the fire is out. It hangs around in your body, your nervous system, your memory. Even when things are safe again, you can still smell it.

And how we experience either? That’s personal. What shakes one person to their core might not even register for someone else. I used to drive myself crazy wondering, Why does this throw me but not her?

Or, why am I worrying about something she barely notices? But here’s what I’ve learned: it doesn’t mean one of us is stronger or weaker. We’ve just lived different stories, carry different scars, and have our own ways of coping—and that’s valid and okay.

So where does fear sit within birth? Let’s talk about it. Fear and birth have always had a complicated relationship.

For so many women, the anxious thoughts start early. Doubts about pain. Worry over the unknown. Concern about losing control. The fear of not being heard or it not playing out the way you imagined it to go.

Sometimes that unease isn’t even ours. It sneaks in through stories from your mum, your sister, your friends—the ones that quietly settle into your mind and shape what you expect birth to be. Sometimes it’s passed down through generations, disguised as “helpful advice”.

Brisbane’s number one–voted doula Moran Liviani

“Birth is terrifying, just get through it.”“Don’t overthink it—you won’t have any control anyway.”

Unlike trauma, which is rooted in the past, worry often lives in the future. It’s all the “what ifs” that pop up when we don’t know what’s coming or feel like we won’t have a say when it does.

But here’s the crazy thing most women don’t realise: this feeling isn’t the enemy. It’s not something we have to fight or silence. Sometimes it’s just trying to get our attention: Slow down. Check in. What do you need?

When we actually sit with it—name it, unpack it—it can tell us a lot. And when we meet what scares us with the right tools? That’s when things shift.

Education helps. Knowing how birth works, what your rights are, what your body is capable of—that knowledge eases the unknown. It doesn’t erase the intensity, but it gives you something solid to stand on.

And support? That’s everything. Your midwife, your doctor, your doula, your partner, your best friend—whoever’s in your corner, it matters. When you feel safe, informed, and supported, doubt loosens its hold. It fades. Sometimes, it even turns into confidence.

I’ve witnessed that transformation many times, but there’s one woman whose journey still stands out in my mind.

In my second year as a doula, I was hired by a woman for private childbirth education sessions. A big part of my classes is showing birth videos. I find it helps women, and their partners get familiar with the sounds, movements, and behaviours of labour— to normalise birth and start picturing their own experience.

But in our first session, when I suggested watching a birth video, she shook her head firmly. “I can’t do it,” she said. Even the thought made her lightheaded and faint.

I didn’t push. Instead, we took a different path. We talked. We unpacked what was really sitting under the surface—her worries, her uncertainty, the “what ifs” that kept creeping in.

We explored how those feelings might show up when she was in labour. I guided her through what I know best: education, simple research, and the gentle tools of HypnoBirthing® to help her start shifting her mindset. Slowly, she started to open up. I watched her confidence build session by session.

Before our final session, I gently asked, “Do you think you might be ready to watch a birth video now?”

She paused, thinking. Then she nodded. “I’m ready.”

I held my breath as we watched. But what happened next amazed me. The fear I had expected wasn’t there. Instead, she was wide-eyed, smiling, completely in awe. For the first time, she looked genuinely excited about her own birth. At the end of that session, she and her partner turned to me. “Would you be our doula?” they asked.

I smiled. I’d been secretly hoping they would. I was thrilled to say yes and support them through the rest of their journey. The day she went into labour, her partner called to let me know she was having mild early contractions, and they’d keep me posted. I waited, expecting the next call to tell me it was time to head over.

Instead, just a few hours later, the phone rang again. “She’s already had the baby!”

She had done it. Calmly. Powerfully. Exactly the way she had envisioned—from beginning to end, completely on her own terms. She had always pictured it that way—just her and her husband, no one else.

I was there as her safety net, just in case.

But in the end, she didn’t need me. She had built that sense of safety for herself, from the inside out.

I still smile when I think about her. She showed me just how much power fear loses when it’s tended to.

Moran Liviani was voted Brisbane’s number one doula. Her book Birthing with Trauma and Fear – A Guide to an Empowering Birth Experience is out now.