BOYS DON’T CRY? WHAT KIDS’ BOOKS ARE SECRETLY TEACHING ABOUT PAIN

Turns out, it’s not just the playground that teaches kids how to handle pain, it’s storytime too.

New research from the University of South Australia has found that the kids' books we lovingly read to our children might be quietly reinforcing some old-school ideas about who’s allowed to cry and who’s expected to “walk it off.”

After analysing hundreds of popular children’s picture books, UniSA researchers discovered that pain and injury pop up in about one in five stories.

Most of it’s the usual childhood stuff, bumps, grazes and falls. But how pain is shown differs wildly between the sexes.

Boys were more likely to get hurt (53% of the time) but less likely to shed a tear (22%), while girls were less likely to be injured (29%) but far more likely to cry (78%).

In short, boys tough it out, girls tear up. And the gender gap doesn’t stop there.

Boys were usually the “problem solvers”, doling out advice, while girls played comforter-in-chief, swooping in with empathy and tissues.

Even more interesting, acts of kindness were surprisingly rare. Only 28% of characters offered help when someone was hurt; most just stood by.

Because apparently, fictional kids are just as awkward about pain as real ones.

Lead researcher Dr Sarah Wallwork says picture books can be influential teachers, for better or worse.

“Shared reading provides important opportunities for young children to understand the world, including what to do when injured or in pain, or to have empathy and provide assistance when another may be hurt.”

Dr Wallwork says.“When picture books show boys brushing off injuries or girls tending to others, we risk reinforcing narrow social scripts about empathy, resilience, and care. Children internalise what they see.

"When boys are presented as stoic, it may encourage them to conceal their pain, a behaviour that has been linked to an increased vulnerability to pain later in life.

“Similarly, when girls are consistently portrayed as carers, it reinforces expectations that empathy and nurturing are ‘female’ traits.”

Co-researcher and UniSA PhD researcher Dur-E-Nayab Mehar says parents and educators can turn storytime into a chance to flip the script.

“By being mindful of the stories we share, we can start meaningful conversations with children about empathy, care and how to respond to others when they are injured or in pain,” Mehar says.

“Asking questions like ‘How do you think that character feels?’ or ‘What else could they do to help?’ can open up valuable discussions about both physical and emotional support.

“We need children to learn that it’s okay to feel pain, to express their emotions in healthy ways, to care and respond to others thoughtfully, kindly and in practical ways, regardless of gender.

“Perhaps then, the stories we share with children will help nurture compassion and empathy, where pain is acknowledged, support is given, and children grow in their ability to offer this support to others.”

So next time you’re reading about a brave bunny or a clumsy bear, remember, behind every stubbed toe and scraped knee is a little lesson in what it means to hurt, heal and be human.